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Written for myself, to laugh at myself
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28th-Sep-2013 03:46 pm - How I Met My Friends

Hello again forgotten journal... Guess I only need you when I'm sad, upset and bored huh? well my life was pretty much uneventful and like everyone else I jumped to tumblr so you are (kinda) forgotten. But you still the best for writing long posts you know...
So these days I'm a big addict of HIMYM... and then the thought comes to me... how about writing about How I met some of my closest friends in the US? Should be fun and memorable... My memories suck so sooner orI later I might forget the stories, who knows right. First I have to say I'm weird when making friends. I'm a strong believer of chemistry and destiny and I believe that if we click since the first time, we clicked, otherwise it won't work... I have a few exceptions but then most of my friends are like that, haha, so I could have made much more friends but since such a weird theory, I only made very few, enough for me anyway. Here it is then...

Sol: my first friend on the campus. My history with her was weird... I honestly don't even remember how we first met but basically we were close for like, the first 2-3 weeks at school, then she got more friends and I hate being forgotten, plus I moved to that first dorm pretty quick so we stopped talking. THEN sophemore year, we worked in the same hall, I was avoiding her at first but she came up and talked to me so I thought, ah well, let's just be friend again then. It went well for like 2-3 months then one time, I asked her for dinner, she said yes first and then texted me back saying she was busy with some stuff. Later I caught her eating with her OTHER friend???? I was soooooo mad and cut all ends with her. Yeah... lying to me don't do well in my books...
Ng: My Vietnamese friend in  the uni. At first I never liked her, really, she had a grumpy look on the face, not exactly pretty (looks like Chinese) to me and was opposite from the talktative me in the group. It took us A WHILE, like 1 whole semester to finally warmed up with each other and get close. I guess the turning point was those dance rehearsals, we talked more and realized we kinda clicked. Plus when you're like the only 2 VNM undergrads on the campus and you both have a love for gossip, things went certainly better, haha.
M: I met M through L, another VNM student who I never really friend with. I said hi to M but did not try to be friend with her. It was not until we took a same HB 105 class that we decided to seat together. Then one time I biked allllll the way to her dorm to borrow a suit and things picked up from there. She was very friendly and soothing and I grew close to her almost immediately.
Th: Well she's not really my friend anymore but she was very close during Freshman year. This story was very random. We seat accross each
k with, I just stayed with them. Nowadays I thought a lot about those college years and realized some memories we made were precious... Guess that's why I love HIMYM, we were the same, talking bullshit, teasing each other, consult with problems and be there when needed...
21st-Mar-2013 09:13 pm - Some self-reflection...


Oh hai my poor journal which I threw away for months and months and I thought I will never write anything in you again.... (No that is not true, ah ha ha) That is what happened when you don't have motivation... But I'm determined to write something down due to my events in life and I want to look back some times in the future and realized how dumb/stupid/thoughtless I was... Ah well...
So what happened? After 7 months of putting up with that job I whined and cried and stressed over about for every-single-fucking day, I decided to... QUIT. That's it, I've had enough. Here are my top 3 reasons (well at that time anyway)
1. I have learned enough and I could not stand for ONE MORE DAY how stupid the management is and all the freakin blames they put on us everyday since we did not perform our job up to their ridiculous standard
2. I was planning to study another language and go to grad school (aka find a way to spend more and more of my parents money and get out of my country)
3. Main reason: I WAS UNHAPPY, very much so. I even went to a period of refusing talking to my parents. Ah hah! I cried many times thinking how miserable I felt, I was having very bad tempers with all the ridiculous crazy non-sense people think they are oh-so-important at work. I was constantly nervous, my heart jumped at every phone calls I got from work, hoping I did not do something wrong.
Yeah, so no wonder why I quit. I will be straight forward. It's not that I did not learn anything, I did learn quite a bit. Being much more active, my problem-solving skills are improving, so is my communication skills and I learnt to read all sorts of people, and acting like you're perfectly fine and happy even when you are not. But that's it. I liked the job itself, not the management. They are working against us, not WITH us. I thought I could stay for longer, but I couldn't. Why stay when you know you can't go any further.... I know it might be a dumb decision judging how hard it is to find the job these days, but then life is too short to be unhappy, haha, my motto... Plus let's face it, I was lucky that I got my parents who willingly to give me money to spend while finding the new job. If I work in the US, I will never dare to quit if I can't find another job. So I'm thankful...
I'm trying to get out of this HB industry, all my bubbles now cracked. My dreams of being hotel manager whatsoever? yeah, never more. I'm applying for some office job with not much hope but who knows, I prayed to God and always trust that He will show me the way.... But for now, 1-2 month off to relax and refresh is very needed. I have confident in myself and my resume to find another job, but then maybe I will write another whiny depressing post in here saying I'm jobless and don't know what to do with my life... Yeah... THAT will be fun.... Pray and pray and pray.....

16th-Aug-2012 10:34 pm - Broke down...

Yeah.... I sucked.... When my supervisor told me that she knew I tried but I have to tried harder, be better, blah blah.... I smiled with her at that and said yes, I  understood. But no, I did not. It was the moment when I stepped down from the stair that my tears started  to flow... I think I was at the emotional wit-end... I had enough... Trying so hard to stay positive, to turned me around to a different person, someone that could smile at anyone, always looked proper and acting like a professional. And no, of course it was not enough... Because it's impossible for me to completely be like that, with my weird gesture, my horrible walking style and other shit... And yeah, of course the manager disliked me strongly, I had acne on my face - it's not "bright" enough to work for front desk, she said.... I totally failed when she watched me because I was so nervous and felt under pressure and could not manage to do anything properly. Hah!
So what did I do? I cried a little bit at the stairs... That pain, it was the same with when I got demoted working at the caf, because to the supervisors, I could not work well with my colleague... That pain of feeling like shit, like u have tried but it's not good enough, and it seriously hurt your pride. When I got home, my mom only made it worse... I hate to tell her anything... She could never said something encouraging, always try to put me down and saying things like, I told you before, you were wrong anyway, blah blah... I just went to the balcony, sat down and cried my heart out... Crazy... How many emotional break down I had already??? Too much to count... But my dad... he came to me... he said it will be fine, that he would help me to find another job soon. I knew he was being honest, but then... I felt guilty, like, why the heck is it that I always need their help, that I always make them worried about me, that after all of that money, I still could not find a proper job???
I don't know what it will be from now on... No... not a clue.... Maybe it WILL get better, maybe not and I will just quit at the end.... I'm so tired of everything... Gosh I miss my old job, I was happy, I got to meet ppl I love everyday and chat about everything... Life... seems like u could not find both money and happiness in 1 place huh? :)

That's what I wrote on my FB status and everyone liked it, HAHAHA. Yeah, I'm NOT a quitter (or maybe I am) What I want to quit right now? My job. See, life always go opposite of the way I dreamed of, so I feared to dream/imagine anything that might happen now, because the reality is the nightmare of my dreams. I did not expect working in Front Office to be easy, no, of course not, going to this new job, I KNEW, I KNEW it was stressful with complaints and problems at work everyday, but seriously, it's 1000x worse than I thought it would be. First, I was thrown into the job directly. After 2 days and I was allowed to check-in??? Something must be wrong here. People based on the fact that I worked at Reservation before and thought I knew most of the stuff and should learn quickly. Yeah.... The BIG difference is, the opera system is different version, the way they create booking is different, the codes are all different, blah blah blah. I Have a lot to learn. But no, I was prepared to learn. That is not the problem. Problem is, I just could not handle the stress and the fear of making mistakes. Shame on me, but I could not. Knowing that anytime, I may have to compensate the hotel if I ever doing some mistake by exchanging money, or receive a warning for short/over charge and check-in or check-out guest in wrong room or many other things, that my job is always on the line.... I'll admit it, I don't work well under pressure. I always slipped if the manager is standing behind me. My face just turned pale when people started yelling at me and I have cold sweats when I realized I make a mistake.... I don't want to go home and having thoughts about work only, not knowing what tomorrow might come, always worried what could I have done wrong. That means my mind will never set free and I could never be 100% relax. To make matter worse, this has not been a good month for the front office team. Too many problems and mistakes, the managers are ready to kill us for any possible mistakes that we make, the supervisors are keeping the watchful eyes for all of us and the guests are just more and more demanding... So crazy....
I honestly don't know if I can pass this probation time... Probably not.... All I know is, I MUST try my best, be careful as possible, always re-check and try my best to learn from others and listen well.... If this was not the path God has chosen, then there will always be others. But I just don't want to regret that I have never done my best and that I could have avoided those problems if I try to be better. I'm not a quitter... I will fight for it till the end... Promise to myself :)
22nd-Jun-2012 10:25 pm - The start of something new

Haha that sounds so cheesy right? But it is true, I officially announced to this anonymous blog that I got a new job! After 4 freaking interviews, gosh…. I was not confident that I will get it, to be honest. I do believe in my own ability, but  then it is a very competitive spot and it’s not like I have a pretties face or figure, and they do have applicants who graduated oversees like me also, I’m sure. But God DID reply to my prayer, He was the one who give me strength in those interview. I don’t know how it will be going yet, just pray that everything will be fine. First I have to pass the 2 months probation and the few weeks will be quite scary, getting used to the environment and get to know the people… I just hope we “click” with each other and we can make a good team. I have heard a lot of bad reputation in terms of human resource about this hotel,  but it does worth a try. After all, it’s one of the best hotels in my city. The interviews were surprisingly short, and the questions were not very difficult to answer. The wait was long though… EVERYTIME I had a scheduled interview with them, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS have to wait at least 30 mins! Crazy eh… And the most ridiculous thing is… I DID NOT know my salary yet, how stupid does that sound?? ? My co-worker seniors at the old job said I was way too ignorant not to negotiate about the salary first… Le sigh… Guess they are right… But then I don’t want to tell them my salary, it’s very personal and sensitive, seriously… I still believe in American thinkings that how much you get paid is your OWN business and people need to respect ur privacy on that subject. Too bad I live in a culture that believes salary is something you can shared freely +____= Fml

Even though getting the new job, and has an official position is a wonderful thing, I can’t help but feels sentimental over the old job. After all, I spent like 7 months getting to know them, we shared most of the things together, we were a very good team and everyone was on good terms with one another. I will miss all the silly jokes between us, all the gossips and drama, all the time we cursed those stupid bookers who act like they know everything, all the extra hours we spent when we were busy with only 5 people and even the bad times when we made mistakes. Too many memories. If I have been diligent with this blog and wrote down everything happened in the day, then it will be quite meaningful to reread it now. Too bad I kinda abandoned my blog, ah well…. But at the end, even the pay is real shitty and the job can be quite stressful and super busy, if it was not for this job, I would never ever get the new one. So I’m thankful for everything I have learned and all the experience  gained from it, and who knows, maybe I will come back to that hotel in a much higher position…? Everything could happen, you just never know…. 

10th-May-2012 09:58 pm - Try harder....

That's what I'm actually feeling right now... This job situation is really beating me down and I only have myself to blame.... I really had high hopes a few weeks ago, when they post on the notice board that they're hiring for sales coordinator, a position that I was aiming for. It wouldn't be so bad if I work in sales department u know, and there prob will be more options to jump from job to job in the future if I work in sales... but no... even I applied, I was not called for an interview at all!!! What the heck happened I wonder? THey already recruited a new sales coordinator, so my application was a failed or what? I has never been in doubt of myself like this before. It's getting nowhere.... I even feel worse when I found out a few days ago that one of my high school friend, who studied hospitality in singapore, is now working in sales dep for H hotel. I'm like, fml, she's graduating from a less prestigious school than me and prob has less skill than me but look where she's at right now? I'm like a big loser.... What happened to the confident and always strive for the best girl just months ago? This job might just be a mistake... When I took it, I thought, one step back and then 3 steps forward, but prob I was deadly wrong. I AM STILL going backward, not forward, I'm getting behind. I love my department too much that I just don't want to move on and get myself a better opportunities. What the heck I'm waiting for??? I knew so well that there won't be a place for me in there, yet I just could not quit.... I'm prob just too lazy to refresh, start again at another hotel and must get to know the people all over again. I DREAD that process so much. Plus I don't want to lose the relationship with my colleagues, we're such a good time despise some differences, and it would be sad to not be able to work with them anymore... When one of the person quite, I was thinking, maybe I have a 50/50 chance against the other girl but no, she has already been chosen.... I know she deserves it but I just can't help feeling the burning jealousy inside. I'm better than her right, the only that she beat me of is her experience of working 2 years... But all the other skills.... I secretly pray that she would fail the interview, but it probably won't happen. Stupid me, letting the evil win over. I hope noone realized how I really feel about it...
I feel so sorry for my parents... Wasting money on the useless me... My dad is always so worried and keep asking me about my job and my intention, and I dodged the subject, always, just because I could not find a better answer for him. I love this job, love the industry, but I seriously need to get myself up and start to turn into another path, other wise this just getting nowhere, nowhere and I will be left behind by all of the people same age with me! Let's just try harder, shall we? :)
19th-Apr-2012 10:47 pm - Listen to my heart or brain?

Le sigh... This dating shit is more difficult than I thought. I have always complained that I could never find a boyfriend, but now that there is someone, i just want to back out completely and pretend like nothing happen and move on with my carefree life. It all started when my aunt came home 3 weeks ago, I was soooo excited to see her, of course, and since we were pretty close the boyfriend talk came up. She was bragging about how she could easily find some nice guys to introduce to me and we kept talking about my ideal type and such. First she introduced me to her high school friend, who was nice, but we only talked a little bit and there was nothing special about him. He was quite shy actually, though he's pretty good looking, hahaha. I knew there could be nothing more with him, so move on. i thought this matchmaking thing was over, but I was wrong. After coming back from Japan, she found me another one. HA! I actually saw his face before on facebook, and from the first look, I did not like him. If anyone come to read my blog they probably would realize that I DO care about appearance, and no, it's not like I want a super handsome guy but at least he must fit my eyes (I don't have really high standard though)
So we went out for coffee with him. Ahhhh he was worse than I thought! Heck, he was wearing business outfit for hanging out??? Not cool with me. But the talk was quite good. He also graduated from US and so we had quite a bit of things to talk about, the conversation was quite fun actually. But I feel NOTHING, I thought, hmmmm maybe we could be friend but nothing more from it? But then after that, he asked for my number and text me saying he hope we could meet again. I agreed, simply because it would be rude to say no and he can be a nice boyfriend, as my aunt analyzed. So I saw him for a few more times, and the more I get to know him, the more I realized: he is a husband -material. His family background, education, personality blah blah would fit me perfectly and my parents will be quite happy if I date him. Plus, he already got a stable job and is quite a business driven guy, so I would probably be financially-secured. The big problem???? My own feeling. My friends said that let's just take it slow and see how things go, you don't have to fall for him right away, but slowly maybe you can start develop some feeling??? too bad it didn't... I few nothing, nothing at all when I'm with him, it was all about my mind, not my heart. What should I do now? I don't want to hurt him in anyway, how the heck could I say that I;m sorry, but I have no feelings for you? What I really want to experience was that feeling of being in love with someone once again, and if dating him, then I don't think that would happen.... I just hope that I would found my own answer soon, now I understand how you can't love with your brain, only your heart. And if I listen to my heart, I probably would have known the answer, just don't want to admit it.......


Well, finally, the time I feared has came, my brother is now in japan for the 2 year journey, seeking to enrich his creativity and learning something new from one of the fasted updated city: Tokyo, This has been his plan since last year, and even though, I, admittedly, wishing that it never came true and he would fail the VISA test or something, it did... So no more bubble tea for me late at night, no more having someone to go eat out Jpnese or Korean food with, no more extra money from the generous brother, and most important, no one to keep peace in this family and being the inter mediator between me and my parents. It's really sad... I have always been proud of the relationship that me and brother has, as not every sibling has a deep bond like us. The difference in personality actually make a perfect match, as he always spoil me  and I do take care of him as a younger sister. Sigh... I was surprised that I did not cry when I hugged him for the last time in Japan, I felt like my tears were going to burst but it didn't come out, I suppressed my feeling... After all, being in the States for 5 years got me used to being far away from people that I love and care of. It was different compare to the first time he's gone, when I was in 8th grade, I still remember how I was acting strong in front of my parents, but then burst out to tears in the bathroom and even crying at night, missing him too much with all the little memories between us. I do miss him all the time now, but it's hard to cry... Seeing his empty bedroom is such a sad thing, after, it's the place I spent most time aside from my own bedroom. Just wish that he would have a good life in Japan and can establish something and can speak Japanese fluently, of course.
Putting all the sadness behind, it was thanks to him that I got to travel to Japan with my mom! I remembered when I was still a manga otaku, Japan is on my top list of the countries I want to visit and i promised myself I will get there someday. So it is a dream come true for  me and the country did not disappoint and I'm already hoping to return next year ! Japan is a very beautiful country, and the service here is just top notch since they're super polite and always say welcome and thank you. But the highlight of the trip is probably the night in Tokyo, when I got to see my 2 Japanese friends who stayed in the same dorm during Sophmore year. I was very very happy to got to see them after 2 years and seeing they're still the same kind, nice girls I remembered. Even though we only saw each other for a few hours, the memories would be something I never be able to forget, especially of how they're saying I'm hyper and kawaii, hahaha. And Shibuya is just sooooo fun yet too crowded. Le sigh, if the group came back right at 8pm instead of nearly 9pm, we could have more time to talk about a lot of things.... Ah well, if my friend complete with her flight attendant training, I would probably get to see her sometimes in Vietnam. Now that would be fun! Another awesomeness of the trip is the fact that we got to experience all 4 types of weather in the short 4 days: windy, rainy, snowy and sunny, HAHAHA, no joke. I was scared to death because of the suppperrrrrrrr strong wind that literally could blow people away and freeze to death with the weather on the mountain while wearing thin clothes. That was the time when I regretted not to bring any of my winter coat back from the US! Grghhhhh Oh and the make-up ehaven, geezzzzzz, I was surprised that I was able to held back and not buying any makeup, because a) Not enough money and b) Don't want to hear any complaints from my mom plus c? Already had wayyyy too much make up. I wanted to buy some skin care but since it's all Japanese, I could not figure out which one is good for my skin. The only sad thing is that sakura hasn't bloomed yet thanks to super cold weather, so we only got pictures of a few tree. And me and my mom is NOT made as travel companions, hahaha, since I could not care less for her constant nagging about very small stuffs. Le sigh... Now I better find a job with decent salary for an airplane ticket next year to Japan!
11th-Mar-2012 11:09 pm - I'm slowly going insane

Seriously, today I feels like I’m at my breaking point already… What the heck happened to me???? I’m not emotionally stable anymore and I’m turning into a real bitch or something… My dad is the whole main reason for this. I’m already hot-headed but he’s driving me into another level with all of his nonsensical talks and actions. Today we had a lot of people coming to our house, so it was very tiring for all the women, because of all the chores, obviously. I feel bad for my mom, she has to cook the whole day and then has to be a host to her friends… We had both lunch and dinner so she had not time to rest properly… And my dad is always over the limit and just doesn’t know when to stop… Instead of ending the dinner early so everyone can clean up quickly, he drags it on and on. Me and Q waited for like an hour with the hope that they would finish so we could clean up, but nooooo, I lost my patience and take a shower and then after that even did my nail polish and now my dad ask me to clean up???? Yeahhhh. I would not have any problems if he would let me do it an hour ago, but who the heck would want to wash dishes and mop the floor 10 pm at night??? But then I could not let my mom do it either, so obviously I still have to do it. And my dad was still driving me crazy with his “helping” or to be more exact, making the matter worse for me…  He never did it the way I wanted, so it made me even angrier and had to do it over again. I knew, I knew he had good intention, but my emotion was higher than my mind, so I kept yelling at him and told him to went downstairs already….

I was almost done anyway when I saw the cats are downstairs, right away I knew he forgot to lock the door on the balcony AGAIN. Every freakin single time…. So I was screaming at him, and running around chasing the cat!!!! I was so so so mad, I was already so tired, and I still had to try to find a cat in this 5 story house at 10 pm at night???? I EXPLODED, yes I did, I was screaming like there was no tomorrow and yelled at my cat heavily so he could stand still and I would take him upstairs. When I’m now lying in my bad, I was crying for no reason…. I don’t even know why… Probably deep inside, I was unhappy, I was stressed with the fear of not finding a suitable job after my time with S hotel ended. And most important, as N told me… I really wanted a boyfriend but just could not get one… My sad life…. Idk what to do anymore…

9th-Feb-2012 10:59 pm - First time at a signing event

Hehe, I was so excited on Tuesday because I finally got someone famous sign for me personally! So on Tuesday, thanks to TX, I know that there would be a signing event for the introduction of the DVD Hotboy noi loan – my favorite Vnmese movie, and the 2 main actors would be there. The location is pretty near to my house, but I was a little bit hesitated of whether I wanted to go or not… Since I was lazy as usual, but I felt like it would be a good chance to see these 2 super handsome guys up close, and maybe I can see some gay couples too, so why not??? Well thank God work wasn’t too bad, I can get out early and went there on time… What can I say? They ARE Handsome, and both of them were very nice, but the actor K was pretty shy and quiet, while H as a veteran actor is pretty outspoken, smart and even witty. The funniest part was when the conference started, they had a Q&A part for the movie crew with the audience, and of course at first everyone got shy, but I was heated at that moment and asked the first question and even got filmed! HAHAHA. I asked the main actor why he cried so much in the movies and how did he feel of people complaining that he was being a sissy, he just explained that the director told him to act like that and he did! Well not exactly the type of answer I wanted, but whatever…. At least I got to ask him, it won’t happen every day right? The only disappointed part is the fact that the DVD is just alike with the cinema  version, meaning no sex scenes for us perverts, le sigh…

Friday was quite bad at work. At first it started pretty quietly but then by the evening, we got rushed by bookers and TAs alike, who all wanted everything to be done before the weekend. Arghhhh, I stayed with my sis until 8:30, even I finished everything an hour earlier, just because I felt bad leaving her alone, hahaha. I was starving and dead tired by the time I got home and was very tempting to skip work the next day, well of course I didn’t really do that, a Capricorn is way too responsible for doing something so spontaneous…. 

And on Saturday, I also got to go to a music show after such a looonnggggg time. My poor brother was dragged to went with me because my cousin was busy last minute and my parents did not want me to go by myself so yeah.... The program was ok, the theme was valentine, what else? Too bad my fav singer Bao Thy Sang quite bad that night, she was REALLY out of tune for some reason, maybe that song was just too difficullt to sing. I was supposed to seat with my co-worker but we bought ticket at different area so we ended up seating seperately :((( Ah well and the stage was tooooo far away from me so I couldn't see any one face clearly. Next time I definitely will buy a VIP ticket, no more stage ticket for me, what u pay is what u got I guess. At least I got to see 2 singers back stage: dong nhi and ong cao thang They do look like on TV (diuhhh) and OCT is quite handsome. Poor guy was surrounded by a bunch of teenage girls, ahhaha. The price for being a celebrity...

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